i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
