do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
