we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
