hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I could fuck to npr.
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