literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
