There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
