ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
