Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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