Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize