Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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