literally had 100 drinks last night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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