Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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