Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
