thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
