is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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