the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
