Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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