So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have aggressive nipples.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
