She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
