Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Come see our sink grown plant.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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