What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
