so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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