At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Found the puke drawer
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
