she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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