I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
