i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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