i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
