A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I want her autograph on my taint
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize