you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
