i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
