he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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