Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
