I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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