Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize