I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
