I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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