Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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