this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish you could order shots online.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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