Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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