I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
