once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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