I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
