On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
