lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
