You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize