i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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