how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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