i just wanna soil my oats bro
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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