His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dignity is for republicans.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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