Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
