as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize