you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
