My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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