I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Are my feet made of real feet?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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