it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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