is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
