Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
