She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
