i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
