trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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