i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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