God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
