I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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