dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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