You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
