checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize