so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
