the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Found the puke drawer
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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