why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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