Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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