id be glad to
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
