just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
