Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
