those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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