I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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