Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
