The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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