the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize