this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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