I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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