Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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