people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
