You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Where is the hickey?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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