Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
