from now on my penis is your penis
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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