I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
