Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We are two peas in an std pod
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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