I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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