Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
