I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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