Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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