Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
