Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
