the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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