just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
