Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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