Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
