I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
